You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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