Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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