no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
