Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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