Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
