I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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