I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
