You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
