i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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