A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
