if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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