I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
