Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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