i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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