I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
