She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
