Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
