so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
