I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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