First date: that requires underwear, huh?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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