i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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