if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
