goodnight i made you a song goodbye
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
