We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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