Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
