you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Boobs speak an international language.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
