So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
