There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
