no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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