i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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