is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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