I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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