she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
