I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
