Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
