My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
