So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
