oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
