I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
