Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
