even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
