im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
