and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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