the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
