An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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