I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
