It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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