I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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