She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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