talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
