dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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