You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
