every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
