If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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