i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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