So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
