dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
