She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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