dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
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I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
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No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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