i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
