Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm passing your future prison.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
