I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize