I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
