You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
